Things Can Always Get Worse

Never underestimate the power of negative thinking

“No tree can grow to Heaven unless it’s roots reach down to Hell.” -Jung

"What's the worst that could happen?" used to be one of my least favorite questions.

It was always a question meant to calm people down, but I thought it required a certain lack of imagination.

Things can always get worse. I try to remember that. I repeat it like a mantra. One of the mistakes you can make is thinking that you've reached rock bottom, but the bottom never ends. Imagine that you were starving to death in the middle of a famine and your neighbor broke your legs and ate your toddler in front of you.

And things could still get worse.

I used to cry on the floor of my heated apartment, a bottle of Jameson between my legs, and think I had reached the end of my misery. But I've never known what it's like to starve to death, lips trying to suck moisture out of a rock. I've never seen anyone die in front of me. I've never been stabbed or shot and had to press my hands to the wound, whimpering, as blood seeped out between my fingers.

And all over the world there are people sitting comfortable in their homes, with plenty of food to eat and water to drink, and endless access to whatever they want on the Internet, and they tell themselves their existence is nothing but suffering.

I used to be terrified of being homeless. Of having no money. Even when I was homeless and sleeping out of my car, I still had friends and a job, and a gym membership so I could shower. I'd sleep uneasily in the parking lot of the H-E-B, windows cracked, imagining the gray roof peeled away to open to the sky.

And even when I had very little money, I was always able to eat. I'd dumpster-dive, or get whatever was on sale at the grocery store. I usually even had enough to buy some cheap malt liquor to go along with it.

I think hell and heaven are real, but they exist inside the human mind. They are states of being that with our choices here on Earth, we can move closer to. But the roots of heaven extend forever, and so do the roots of hell. There is infinity in every direction of existence.

Sometimes hell is convincing yourself that you're not in heaven, and destroying everything good around you to get there.

Only to realize when it's too late that what you had was beautiful, and now it's gone. A precious thing that was shredded by your own hands. You look back to see that the heavenly place you once were is now closed off to you, and you'll never be able to climb back up there again.

That's how people end up overdosing on heroin or jumping off bridges because they lost their jobs, or their girlfriends, or had a bad childhood. That's why angry children become mass murderers. They think there's some kind of relief from their misery, but it's only more misery.

Death, prison, handicapped for life.

And then ultimately. Nothing at all.

They turn their sights toward hell and end up making the problem not only worse for themselves, but for other people too. That's how you make your life hell.

Despite everything that's happened over the recent years we're still living in one of the richest, most prosperous times in history. Despite the suffering and death, if you're reading this, that means that you're alive and you're plugged in.

I sent out a beam, and you felt the pulse. And that means we're connected. We're alone but not alone, because we all know what it's like to feel pain.

We're still alive, and it's not over until it's over.

We all know what it's like to be unable to sleep because we're dreading the morning to come. To watch the news with gut-twisting dread, feeling the bottom coming out from underneath us. That hazy, ugly sensation that makes us feel less than human. That makes us feel like our most significant achievements in life are just microscopic little errors. It can make us feel so helpless.

But you're not helpless.

You always have the power to make things worse.

Sometimes I have friends ask me if they should give up and stop being optimistic because of their terrible luck, or something bad that's happened to them. I always tell them no, because the alternative isn't really an alternative at all. If you give up and start looking downwards, into the pits of hell, you've done nothing but trade your hope for a guarantee of suffering.

We always move where we orient our eyes.

So don't look down. Not ever.

Keep your eyes on heaven.